I see hope is here, in a plastic box [July 19, 2014]

[priordivergence]

Mo gives me a knowing smile when I walk in behind Peeta and I shrug back at her, as if I have no idea what she means. Already, just looking around, I'm wondering about the other tattoos I could get, thinking of the ones I already have and how they could be integrated into new work. My left arm has healed beautifully and I can't help raising it to show her.

"I'm here as moral support," I promise her.

Mo smiles and nods Peeta towards her chair, "Sure you are. Anyway, I'm Mo. Good to see you, Peeta." She holds out a hand to Peeta while I take a seat at the edge of the booth. This is Peeta's tattoo, his moment. Whether or not my skin craves more symbols can wait until he's done.

"You ready?"

Comments

[fuelforthefire]

I understand the way that she looks, it’s too similar to my own so much of the time when I think about these things. I force a smile, ignoring the buzz of the gun. “Yet here I am, doing this to myself.”

[priordivergence]

When he catches my eye, I nod my own unspoken understanding. We've both seen terrible things and seen people submit to it without a thought.

Sometimes doing this seems almost civilized by comparison. At least we're making choices.

"It's looking good so far."

[fuelforthefire]

It is looking good, and the white bits of the stars help set them off, highlight them just as they would if I were painting. “I guess skin is just another canvas.”

[priordivergence]

I nod, because that's how I learned to see it. Our bodies are our canvases, but also our billboards. We use tattoos to mark the fears we've conquered, the people we've lost, to tell our stories.

"Why do you think I have so much art?"

[fuelforthefire]

"Because you're crazy?" I say my smile turning to a wince as she traces over a part that I swear she's already done a few times. And just like that it's done, and she's cleaning it and covering it in plastic, telling me how to care for it. I pay, and turn to Tris, looking down at my arm in awe. "I really did it."

[priordivergence]

"Not crazy. Dauntless," I say. I can't help smiling, even if they'd fallen and even if they're not here, they were still the place where I learned who I was.

"Yeah. And it looks amazing."

[fuelforthefire]

"I'm beginning to think they're the same thing," I tell her, smiling down at the stars on my arm. I want to show Claudia, and Katniss, and it surprises me to think of the one before the other, but pleasantly so.

[priordivergence]

"You would think that," I say, smiling. Many people who weren't in Dauntless had said the same thing, because they could never understand the bond--the family--that came from surviving and finding strength together.

Smiling, Mo talks him through the aftercare while I wait, admiring her work on my own body as well as Peeta's.

"When I have the money, I think I know what I might get."

[fuelforthefire]

The money is the least painful part of the transaction to me. When we're done I'm smiling and I can't consider getting another. "What do you want?"

[priordivergence]

“We believe in ordinary acts of bravery, in the courage that drives one person to stand up for another," I say, looking down at my bare right arm. "It's part of the Dauntless manifest."

The part that I wanted to be. I want to be brave for the sake of others more than for myself now. Because Four had been right; selflessness and courage aren't so different. Although my faction ultimately forgot itself, I don't have to.

[fuelforthefire]

It may be a lot of words, but they’re good words too. They appeal to me and I nod as I think of them. “It’s a good sentiment. Maybe you weren’t all as crazy as I thought.”

[priordivergence]

"Maybe we weren't, at the start," I say, smiling a little sadly. "By the time I joined, they'd srayed away from that..."

I force my smile a little brighter, "Let's buy you a coffee."

[fuelforthefire]

I recognise that look too. It's the one I get when I think too long about home. It's too hard, the feelings mixed up with things that I still miss about it and all the things that I disliked and hated.

"Coffee I can do."

[priordivergence]

"My treat," I say. There isn't a lot I can give, or was ever capable of giving on my own, but this I can do.